Lord Jesus would you help me write? May your name be exalted. May your name be praised. May your name be honored and hallowed forever. Thank you for dying for my sins on the cross and rising from the dead to give me new life.
I scraped my wrist the other day and have about a one inch scar. I watched the lesion form and then heal over time. I kept thinking this is what it must have looked like on my spine when the two lesions formed. Have you seen a picture of brain lesions? They look just like a scar would look on the outside. It’s kind of gross, but so is this subject. :)
So, it took a few weeks to heal and form a protective coating and then heal, leaving a scar. The thing about spinal lesions is that when a lesion occurs, you know it. Your body starts short circuiting and you experience electric shocks from the nerve damage and balance issues from the vascular damage. Then the lesion starts to heal. Your electric shocks go away but the vascular damage does not go away. You regain some functions but completely lose others. This is what I am writing about today – what is lost.
When people see me, they cannot see many symptoms from the lesions. Though these symptoms persist, everyone thinks I regained total functioning ability. That is incorrect. This is one reason I am not in favor of dangerous work for people who’ve had lesions. Most people will have different symptoms and different recovery, but have they recovered the necessary abilities to handle dangerous situations? Does the hockey player fall backward if touched on the shoulder? Does the race car driver forget things periodically?
Learning new information is also difficult. So to let go of a former career is not the best option. Perhaps moving out of the danger of the career into a desk type job is the best way to go. That way you can still draw on information one knows.
The symptoms that nobody can see are the most difficult for me since almost nobody feels compassion toward me about them. The symptoms people see are what causes them to feel compassion. If I forget what someone says repeatedly, well that just ticks them off.
I do like some of the memory problems. I live a lot more in the moment and not thinking about the past. That is great. I like not recognizing everyone and remembering every thing they ever said or did. I like being a little fuzzy when trying to remember something. People cannot stand someone who thinks they know things; they like being the one who knows – so now they are. I like knowing I could possibly die soon, and so I live for now and not the future. I like having to lean on Jesus for lots of little things that the silent symptoms make so difficult. I am always in prayer! Lord, help me do this, that, and the other.
I am so grateful I have not had a relapse. The people who’ve had multiple relapses say they lose more and more each time after the lesions heal. Nice, huh?
I do not have control over my destiny, the Lord Jesus does. I do think he has shown me what to eat in order not to put more stress on my body by eating lysolecithin. Perhaps, one day my body will completely recover and the Lord will help me regain my strength. Until then, I will find my strength in him.
“To God be the glory great things he has done, so loved he the world that he gave us his son” to die on the cross and he raised Jesus from the dead. Praise be to God!